It is such a vulnerable but important time, special but also fraught with danger, and for good reason too. Many birthing families have reported negative, even traumatic, experiences and it has inspired fear of the unknown. But it does not have to be that way. Though unexpected is the norm when it comes to childbirth, we can prepare for it. 

Now there is preparation, and there is PREPARATION. I thought I had covered the basics well enough and read enough to have a decent birth although I also brought along a book to cram some more reading in. After I had recovered enough from birth to be visiting, Dad asked me if all my reading made a difference and when my first thought was no - nothing could have prepared me for what had happened. But now that I look at it more objectively, yes. Yes it did make a difference - in our conceiving, in knowing more or less what to expect and what to decide along the way. But I needed more.

Knowledge can be a double-edged sword when you know what you should do but due to circumstances, are unable to do it. We can all be too hard on ourselves, too fixated on plans, too stressed or out of it to be able to execute as well as we wish. At the end of the day, we have to admit, it is difficult for the average birthing parent to be really prepared. We need someone who has been there, and more - someone who has looked into what really helps and has the skills and heart to help the family fulfill what they want. The doula is strategic in this because while she is not under the authority of the hospital system, she can bridge the gap and help advocate for you. A good doula can.